They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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