i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
