if i can run in heels then i can drive
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
