Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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