so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
