i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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