awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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