I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
