sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
