fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
