so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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