I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
