Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We left an ass print on the piano.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize