she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
