i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Who died my cat blue again?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
