I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
