Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
