can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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