man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well I just put wine in my tea
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
