Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
