respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize