Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
