I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
