OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
