ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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