Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
