I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
