you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
