I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
