I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
