Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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