So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
