As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
