somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
