Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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