My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Buhtt sex?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
