I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
