Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
