Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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