My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He felt like a one man threesome
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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