Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
