worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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