Non-Jews are for practice
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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