I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The air was thick with penises
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
