guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
