Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
