Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
