is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
