New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
