So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
