im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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