Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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