I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
