sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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