There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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