she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
