He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Randomize
