Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize