There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
