And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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