if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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