i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
