for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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