Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize