i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
