your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
