Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I enjoy the company of your penis
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