If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
