Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
