Sry I called you an 8
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
