what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
