he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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