I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
