wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
