why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
