You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
