Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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