i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize